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halfmanhalfbronco

My apologies and last post on MWCboard. A thread.

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On 4/2/2024 at 6:07 PM, halfmanhalfbronco said:

Thanks to all that reached out after my meltdown.  It meant a lot.  It is too hard to respond to each of you individually and I felt like the community is owed an apology and explanation for my personality change the past 16 months.   Note, this is NOT AN EXCUSE.  We all go through shit and I handle it worst than most, apparently.

In Chronological order

  • My mother was informed she will not be able to get another pacemaker transplant.  As some of you know she has been pacemaker dependent since age 6, longer than any living person.  Simply no more room due to scarred tissue, unless there are medical breakthroughs.  The newer type devices that do not require leads will not work for her, she had one for 4 weeks and it required an emergency removal.  Her life expectancy is about 3 years.
  • My sister has a type of Brain cancer called an Astrocytoma, it is a slow growing tumor but considered to not be operable and terminal._____We thought a MIRACLE had happened.  The tumor could not be found.  Nobody knew what happened to it.  I thought God had answered my prayers, and tears and those of my mom.---he Didn't.  The tendrils remained (an Astroycytoma looks like a +++++ed up octopus) burried deep and it came back.
  • In the past 16 months I have had two miscarriages with two different partners.  All I ever wanted as to be a dad.  The most recent was in Febuary, the day before my birthday
  • I found out last month the extent my sisters husband was beating her.  She has a protection order, but I never saw the photos.  More horrible than I ever imagined.  He had to literally been kicking her while she was on the ground.  And I did not protect her
  • about 10 months ago I was told by a specialist my pancreas is toast stemming from a bad injury ell documented on here.   If I take great care of myself I could live to 50 or so.  Unless medical advances happen, which I am sure they will, god bless AI and science, amirite?
  • My sister asked me to make sure her daughters are always taken care of, and I am afraid I am not good enough to do that. 
     

 

freestar

I was raised with only my sister and mom.  That was it.  It was us against the world, with my grandparents taking us in the summer and Christmas break.  Knowing it is just going to be now, against the world, I have not handled it well.

I am sorry to all of you for my behavior the past months, and hope you remember me for the poster I was, and not what I became.  I am sorry for taking this board, which I considered a family of sorts,and making it my personal punching bag because I had no other way to vent.  I have lashed out at almost all of you at one point or another, and I am so very sorry.  I took my anger at the world and what I feel is the injustice of it out on you, going beyond reasonable debate and just being...mean and nasty.

This place is special, I helped make it special, and I am so sorry that I betrayed that.

God Bless,.  
 

Do me one last solid and listen to this.

You’re a good guy and a smart man despite your own inner demons.

If you do choose to go away remember to Inspire the Meek to be Strong. That’s the best anyone can do.

image.gif.45c3d635440e9fc29540755d9adc4e42.gif

We’re all sitting in the dugout. Thinking we should pitch. How you gonna throw a shutout when all you do is bitch.

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Man, I'm really sorry to hear all of that. That's the +++++ing Mack truck of life hitting you all at once. 

I'll pray for you brother.

On 12/1/2016 at 12:26 PM, WyomingCoog said:

I own a vehicle likely worth more than everything you own combined and just flew first class (including a ticket for a 2 1/2 year old), round trip to Las Vegas and I'm not 35 yet. When you accomplish something outside of finishing a book, let me know. When's the last time you saw a 2 year old fly first class in their own seat? Don't tell me about elite.  

28 minutes ago, NorCalCoug said:

I’d happily compare IQ’s with you any day of the week.

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On 4/2/2024 at 6:07 PM, halfmanhalfbronco said:

Thanks to all that reached out after my meltdown.  It meant a lot.  It is too hard to respond to each of you individually and I felt like the community is owed an apology and explanation for my personality change the past 16 months.   Note, this is NOT AN EXCUSE.  We all go through shit and I handle it worst than most, apparently.

In Chronological order

  • My mother was informed she will not be able to get another pacemaker transplant.  As some of you know she has been pacemaker dependent since age 6, longer than any living person.  Simply no more room due to scarred tissue, unless there are medical breakthroughs.  The newer type devices that do not require leads will not work for her, she had one for 4 weeks and it required an emergency removal.  Her life expectancy is about 3 years.
  • My sister has a type of Brain cancer called an Astrocytoma, it is a slow growing tumor but considered to not be operable and terminal._____We thought a MIRACLE had happened.  The tumor could not be found.  Nobody knew what happened to it.  I thought God had answered my prayers, and tears and those of my mom.---he Didn't.  The tendrils remained (an Astroycytoma looks like a +++++ed up octopus) burried deep and it came back.
  • In the past 16 months I have had two miscarriages with two different partners.  All I ever wanted as to be a dad.  The most recent was in Febuary, the day before my birthday
  • I found out last month the extent my sisters husband was beating her.  She has a protection order, but I never saw the photos.  More horrible than I ever imagined.  He had to literally been kicking her while she was on the ground.  And I did not protect her
  • about 10 months ago I was told by a specialist my pancreas is toast stemming from a bad injury ell documented on here.   If I take great care of myself I could live to 50 or so.  Unless medical advances happen, which I am sure they will, god bless AI and science, amirite?
  • My sister asked me to make sure her daughters are always taken care of, and I am afraid I am not good enough to do that. 
     

 

freestar

I was raised with only my sister and mom.  That was it.  It was us against the world, with my grandparents taking us in the summer and Christmas break.  Knowing it is just going to be now, against the world, I have not handled it well.

I am sorry to all of you for my behavior the past months, and hope you remember me for the poster I was, and not what I became.  I am sorry for taking this board, which I considered a family of sorts,and making it my personal punching bag because I had no other way to vent.  I have lashed out at almost all of you at one point or another, and I am so very sorry.  I took my anger at the world and what I feel is the injustice of it out on you, going beyond reasonable debate and just being...mean and nasty.

This place is special, I helped make it special, and I am so sorry that I betrayed that.

God Bless,.  
 

My prayers for you and your family @halfmanhalfbronco   If I can do anything to help let me know.   I will take you off block so you can reach out.   
 

for what it is worth I think you should stay around.  This place is family of a sorts and you don’t walk out on family regardless.  

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appreciate the message.

big of you to admit your missteps

as others have said we all make mistakes... all we can do is learn from them and do our best not to repeat them.

hang in there and wishing you & family the best

cheers

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HMHB, whether you truly believe it or not - by that I mean to your very core - it takes a big person to come back to the table, hat in hand (so to speak), and let all of that out.  Courage, too.  Lots of it.  Life has humbled you in ways most here can't begin to fathom.  Now might not be the time (it can take a lot of work to get there, but you seem like your really starting to roll up your sleeves in that regard, which is great), but my $0.02 is that someday you simply have to forgive yourself.  Good things will begin to flow from there... 

The numerous shitty (unthinkable, actually) life circumstances that you've been presented with pose challenges that would surely bring all the rest here to our knees - one way or another.  And knowing how important your sister and mother have been to you in life would have driven any living, breathing person to the brink, I'd think.  I guess that's my circuitous way of saying that I think you probably reacted in the only way you knew how.  The only way possible, you know?  

At the end of the day, you're a flawed human - just like the rest of us.   Anger/lashing out almost assuredly would've been part of the response by most everyone else here.  In hindsight, sure, maybe you could've governed your responses a bit better.  Directed them such that they weren't so personal.  But who can be rational under what are completely irrational circumstances?  IMO, part of the definition of the word "grace" is accepting your flaws and, perhaps most beautifully, accepting the forgiveness of those that freely offer it.  Whether you think you (currently) are worthy of that forgiveness or not, the fact of the matter is that those offering it to you do, and that is their power. So my advice - and I greatly hesitate to use that word in this context - is to accept those tokens and do your very best to move forward...

HMHB, you did nothing against me, so no apology/forgiveness is necessary (not that it was remotely directed towards me in the first place).  Reading what I have, I just think you owe it to yourself to be the best man you can be for your family/loved ones - whether it be for the short time they're still on this planet or for those who someday get left behind, etc.  And don't give up hope for yourself either.  Medical breakthroughs will accelerate in the coming years and decades to heights that we can't begin to imagine...  

Be good to yourself and only come back (if you ever do) when you're damn well ready.  Only you get to decide that, so take that power with you as you take this latest unexpected fork in the road that life has presented to you...

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So sorry to hear what a huge burden you are carrying. The strain of that burden would make anyone lash out. Life can really throw you for a loop. I sincerely hope things will get better for you and your family.

You are an amazing and good person. I’ve always enjoyed your posts even when you go into a rant. I know that you like to stir the pot at times and that’s not a bad thing. 

Take care of yourself. Prayers to you and your family. 

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Last post on this, I owe a specific apology to TP.  The way I spoke about your family was beyond the pale, and a complete lie.  You have a great life and if I am half as fulfilled one day, I will die a happy man.  I don't expect or deserve you to forgive my ugliness but I really, really am sorry.

I am ashamed, embarrassed and not at all happy with myself.

Take care.

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On 4/2/2024 at 6:07 PM, halfmanhalfbronco said:

Thanks to all that reached out after my meltdown.  It meant a lot.  It is too hard to respond to each of you individually and I felt like the community is owed an apology and explanation for my personality change the past 16 months.   Note, this is NOT AN EXCUSE.  We all go through shit and I handle it worst than most, apparently.

In Chronological order

  • My mother was informed she will not be able to get another pacemaker transplant.  As some of you know she has been pacemaker dependent since age 6, longer than any living person.  Simply no more room due to scarred tissue, unless there are medical breakthroughs.  The newer type devices that do not require leads will not work for her, she had one for 4 weeks and it required an emergency removal.  Her life expectancy is about 3 years.
  • My sister has a type of Brain cancer called an Astrocytoma, it is a slow growing tumor but considered to not be operable and terminal._____We thought a MIRACLE had happened.  The tumor could not be found.  Nobody knew what happened to it.  I thought God had answered my prayers, and tears and those of my mom.---he Didn't.  The tendrils remained (an Astroycytoma looks like a +++++ed up octopus) burried deep and it came back.
  • In the past 16 months I have had two miscarriages with two different partners.  All I ever wanted as to be a dad.  The most recent was in Febuary, the day before my birthday
  • I found out last month the extent my sisters husband was beating her.  She has a protection order, but I never saw the photos.  More horrible than I ever imagined.  He had to literally been kicking her while she was on the ground.  And I did not protect her
  • about 10 months ago I was told by a specialist my pancreas is toast stemming from a bad injury ell documented on here.   If I take great care of myself I could live to 50 or so.  Unless medical advances happen, which I am sure they will, god bless AI and science, amirite?
  • My sister asked me to make sure her daughters are always taken care of, and I am afraid I am not good enough to do that. 
     

 

freestar

I was raised with only my sister and mom.  That was it.  It was us against the world, with my grandparents taking us in the summer and Christmas break.  Knowing it is just going to be now, against the world, I have not handled it well.

I am sorry to all of you for my behavior the past months, and hope you remember me for the poster I was, and not what I became.  I am sorry for taking this board, which I considered a family of sorts,and making it my personal punching bag because I had no other way to vent.  I have lashed out at almost all of you at one point or another, and I am so very sorry.  I took my anger at the world and what I feel is the injustice of it out on you, going beyond reasonable debate and just being...mean and nasty.

This place is special, I helped make it special, and I am so sorry that I betrayed that.

God Bless,.  
 

I agree with what has been said by everyone, but I think you’re being waaaaaaaaaay too hard on yourself on the board behavior. Shit happens, take a break like you asked small town rocker to that one time when he was losing his shit, and he came back better. 

I will tell you that there’s one individual that’s extremely upset that you have to take a break from the board. My cat George has been doing research and has been building me a Feral Cats vs. Birds case that will be ready to argue in MWC Board Court in the next few months. 
 

IMG_0958.jpeg.ec6677b74fc3101efbe39514f17857e6.jpeg

George has been telling me that he’s looking forward to fvcking your shit up. But I told him about what’s going on with your family, and now he feels really bad for you. He told me that he wants to give you a big hug and can wait to fvck your shit up later when you’re feeling better.

I was just on X and these two idiots are back at it saying that you’re leaving the MWC and now have your fandom going to the new AAC/ACC leftovers/PAC-4/NDSU/Liberty conference with a 7 year $40 mil per school deal. WTF? Is this really what this is all about? You can’t just tell us you got a better fandom gig? 

IMG_2433.jpeg.56d53903d728261df8a85bb3a82fa0cf.jpeg

IMG_2413.png.2b09125db5033e9a3a61bc65606813eb.png

 

You’ll be back soon, and we’re here for you. Please don’t comeback like Stunner has though. Just come back as you because that’s what we like. My opinion hasn’t changed a bit about you since your meltdown. You’re a good person, and we all have ups and downs. Be good. 

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kat.jpg

 

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On 4/2/2024 at 9:09 PM, halfmanhalfbronco said:

Anyways, I hope I provided some level of an apology you can all accept.  If not, I totally get it. 

Until next time, God bless fam.  I love you, and I am sorry for my behavior.  

Hey, I hope you stick around.  I noticed your posting was getting a bit angry and unhinged too but now I understand why.  Honestly the epic flameouts are some of the most entertaining things on this board so don't worry about that!  

I hear you are struggling and it sounds like you have a lot of things going on in your life and I am sorry to hear.  But you know sometimes this is the greatest group therapy!  My only advice would be to try to stay as far away from drugs and alcohol as possible while you are working on any mental health issues.  Substances tend to just make things worse and prolong dealing with any underlying issues.  

But I hope you stick around!  I will miss poking you with a stick just like I miss poking @BSUTOP25 to get him to melt down too!

Season 9 Lol GIF by The Office

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Good god man.  I get cranky on here when I miss a workout session and my daughter snores half the night. 

Remember that every argument you have with someone on MWCboard is actually the continuation of a different argument they had with someone else also on MWCboard. 

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Oh @halfmanhalfbronco, it’s all trout water under the bridge! I would still send you stuff today if you were in need. 
 

Christ sake, @DesVandal once started an account “tp’s dead dog” and we’re good friends in real life to date. 
 

Don’t go anywhere, this place is the best - other than professional help - for mental healing!

 

You do need to give up your mod badge, just be a regular halfmanhalfbronco. I do apologize for going at you, I did see a window of opportunity and exploited it. 
 

I apologize very much for all that I said, don’t go anywhere - we’re all family! Albeit a very fcked up family, wouldn’t have it any other way!

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Take care of yourself HMHB.  A break from here will probably do wonders for what you need to get through right now.  I am sorry to hear about all that you are currently going through.  Also take a break from other activities or people that can cause you agitation; politics, anyone that doesn’t have your best interest in mind, possibly spider webs as well.  Make the most of the time that you do have with your family.  Every day now is a blessing.  I promise you that somewhere down the road you will look back and think how lucky you were to have today.  When you wake up each morning make the focus to make the most of today.

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The steps you have already taken, by owning and admitting what's going on, are the beginning of your journey to recovery and peace.

Let us know if you need a pair of shoes or backpack (emotional support or literal clothing).

We are here.

The best way to stay connected, is to stay connected.

"We don't have evidence but, we have lot's of theories."

Americans Mayor

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On 4/3/2024 at 12:23 AM, halfmanhalfbronco said:

Oh and Sactown is not Nazi.

That shit what pretty +++++ing awful of me as well.

 

I don’t doubt you have the views that you do on Israel, but I am glad that there is an explanation for the really over the top rhetoric.
 

I will admit, I feel pretty strongly about matters re: Palestine and I was intentionally trying to get under your skin at times just because you were being so vicious to people, @sactowndog in particular. I had suspicions that you were probably going through a tough time, but your situation goes far beyond “tough”. So I am sorry for intentionally egging you on at times.

And full in the interests of full disclosure. *whew* Mac Dre didn’t really make a song about Palestine. I shouldn’t have invoked his name just to score online points. Forgive me. I hope you can pull through this unbelievably difficult time in your life and ultimately just dust yourself off like you just stole third.
 

 

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On 4/3/2024 at 8:25 AM, SalinasSpartan said:

I don’t doubt you have the views that you do on Israel, but I am glad that there is an explanation for the really over the top rhetoric.
 

I will admit, I feel pretty strongly about matters re: Palestine and I was intentionally trying to get under your skin at times just because you were being so vicious to people, @sactowndog in particular. I had suspicions that you were probably going through a tough time, but your situation goes far beyond “tough”. So I am sorry for intentionally egging you on at times.

And full in the interests of full disclosure. *whew* Mac Dre didn’t really make a song about Palestine. I shouldn’t have invoked his name just to score online points. Forgive me. I hope you can pull through this unbelievably difficult time in your life and ultimately just dust yourself off like you just stole third.
 

 

I do that shit all the time. If you can admit it, and @halfmanhalfbronco can apologize in such a personal way, I can as well. I enjoy pissing you guys off. I’m not as vulgar as I used to be towards people here. I just learned to be more petty with my negative emotions. It’s not a good thing to get someone riled up over something they’re passionate about and then walk away in the middle of a discussion…but I like it. A part of me likes it. Sometimes that part wins and takes over. And it works.

So like @happycamper said, sometimes I’m just taking my day out on you all. I mean nobody here ill will. I really am right about everything, but that’s not the most important thing in the world.

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We’re all sitting in the dugout. Thinking we should pitch. How you gonna throw a shutout when all you do is bitch.

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