Troy, I was standing in your shoes a little more than 11 years ago. I was 20, and my dad was 48. And just about everything you posted I can relate to having been through it myself, from listening to recordings of his voice to wondering how much time you have left yourself. Now I know that everyone handles grief differently, but you have to believe me when I say that things will get better. As long as you stay true to the man that your father taught you to be, he lives on in you.